i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
