you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
