I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
