Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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