How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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