i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
