We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
