i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
