Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
