omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You can't motorboat a personality
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
