I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize