We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
