my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
