I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
