Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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