I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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