My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
