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I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
