Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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