worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
