I will die if light touches me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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