I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He did a backflip because drugs
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
