Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
