Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
