i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
