One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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