Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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