Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
