Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i wish my penis had a tongue
zippers are such a cool invention
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
