She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
