Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
