well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
