i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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