grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
