Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
