cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
