I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
