I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
