He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
