...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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