We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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