Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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