gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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