i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
