mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
