office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
