Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
