It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize