To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
