Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
