Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
