I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
