Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
