This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize