i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
