You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize