it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
