Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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