when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
