How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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