you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is the high leading the old right now
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
