i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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