i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She bit a glass in half.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
