You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
