we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
