If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
