Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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