Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
