Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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