I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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