he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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