Having a random hookup so left but love u
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
