In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
