My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
