Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize