I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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