Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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