i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
