quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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